It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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