I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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