In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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