i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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