i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
