I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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