You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
