the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
