Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
