Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
