My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
sarcasm needs its own font
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
