Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
