I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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