:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
