And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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