imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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