My cat gives me a boner
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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