How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
