Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
