thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
