Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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