Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
