I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
