you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize