Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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