I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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