so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
