I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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