yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I believe in your delicious
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
