Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
