Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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