If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
