Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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