It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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