were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
