didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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