She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
