FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
