bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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