i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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