Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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