The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
