I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
