i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
