Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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