I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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