I heard we made out
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
