Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
