When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
