So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
