If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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