She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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