The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
