I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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