its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
