I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Terrible idea I love it
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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