I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
