You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
4 words: hood of his car
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
