Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
