what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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