Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
