Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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