this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it's great music for shaving your balls
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
