yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
