he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
