Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
