They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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