I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
