She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
