Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
