Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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